Jew-das vs Seaman
by EbbyGothic
Summary: Seaman is on a rampage, destroying the town of South Park. What is happening? Can Seaman be stopped? And who is Jew-das? Story includes brief Style and Craiman moments.


Vi's POV –

No one was shocked when Kenna and I decided to skip the plane ride home and stay in South Park a while longer. No one would really ask questions back home, and currently Cartman was housing us while we stayed over, surprisingly.

We were crammed in his bedroom, with me and Cartman on the computer with Butters while Stan, Kyle and Tweek were browsing at a magazine curtousy of Kenny. Said blonde was on the floor with Kenna, Token and Clyde watching tv.

A quick click of a mouse and I'm flashing some of my favoruite gay porn to Butters and Cartman. I whisper "this is what I want Craig to do to Cartman." As the lardo is parked next to me staring wide eyed at the screen.

Butters face lights up and Kenny darts to the computer to watch the boy on boy goodness.

"Haha fatboy why don't you and Craig go for a nice dinner at TGI Fridays." Kenna added as I nodded in agreement looking Cartman in the eye.

Kenny beemed and pulled something out of his pocket, "Here's a cock ring cartman, we know you can't last" he teased. Cartman huffed as he took the ring, Intrigued by it.

I then handed him some anal beads from mine and K's bag of tricks. Cartman grins.

"Wow a queer little necklace, you girls are really hungry for my d." He announces. I scowl

"No dude, just shut the fuck up and violate Craig with them." Kenna snapped. Cartman sat, confused.

"Huh?!" He breathed out

"Shove them in his ass you stupid fat fuck." I explained becoming frustrated with how dumb Cartman was.

Butters gives a reassuring grin, "don't worry about not knowing how to do it Eric! Just do the thing with your mouth you did with my wiener that one time! But this time do it to Craig!"

My jaw drops, "Butters you slut!"

"For fucks sake, if fatass doesn't want to get gay with Craig quit bugging him about it." Kyle intervened frustrated by the current conversation.

"Shut up you ass tonguing Jew!" Kenna growled at Kyle who she'd recently fell out with, for god knows what reason.

"If Kyle doesn't want me too, I'm gonna do it." Cartman stated, definitely as he smirked at the Jew.

I could have cried. I looked towards Tweek, "I TOLD YOU CRAIGMAN WOULD BE A THING."

"Guys, Seaman is on the news. Apparently he's hanging around town with plans to flood the world." Token informed us all as his eyes were affixed upon the television.

Butters and I flopped over to the bed, landing on Tweek, ignoring how the two were whispering to each other, fear in there eyes as they mumbled back and forth.

Stan and Kyle rolled off the bed and headed to the computer, googling Seaman. Cartman who was leaning on the bedroom door, Kenna beside him as they glanced at the tv.

Clyde gasped, "Seamans going to flood us! We have to stop him!"

"Vi... oh hamburgers. I can't come near you... none of us can or semen will flood the world killing everyone!" Butter's explained.

Vi stared toward him amusement playing at her expression.

"Yeah... ughhh, Seaman is on the tv ranting, he said if we went near girls...man too much pressure."

"What Tweek's trying to say is...oh darn it. What he means Vi, is if we're around you, it's something we can't stop... Seaman will flood the world. Covering you, me, all your friends, family... even your pets." Butters continued.

"Yeah man... that can't happen. We won't let it happen." Tweek blurted out.

The two boys walked away still talking together. Vi stood staring to Kenna who shrugged as the two girls stood wide eyed.

I shook my head in disbelief. What the fuck had I just heard?

Cartman shrugged, "so what do I get once I bed Craig?"

"You're not going to do it fatass!" Kenna spat.

Cartman shouted and pointed, "You just watch you fucker. And when I do you'll owe me 10 bucks!" he snapped while running, or waddling, out of the house.

"I am so down for this." I fangirled.

Stan's POV -

Running outside, the group of us stared up at the sky where it had turned dark annd stormy. Shit, why did this stuff always have to happen?

Kyle licked hiss finger and put it in the sky, "airs coming from the north, so Seaman's got to be near town square!"

"Do you guys think this is a good idea? We could die, and I can't swim!" Clyde panicked, "Token can't swim either! This is a bad idea!"

Token growled, "Clyde shut up, I can swim."

I snapped, "Fuck off Clyde, you probably float."

We darted towards where the winds had gotten stronger, water raining from the sky. There were fish and aquatic animals flying around in the sky as a storm brew.

"Shit! Shit shit!" Tweek yelped as a shark flew at him and, chomping and snapping it's jaws.

Kenna grabbed a discarded metal pole and jammed it into the animals eyes, puncturing the sharks brain a second before it took off Tweek's leg.

Kenny pointed in shock, "Woo! Kenna killed a mother fucking shark!"

A window to the house beside us, which happened to be Craigs, propped open. Cartmans smug face looked back at us, "You crazy fucking goth bitch! And I fucking did it, stupid bitch!"

A huge wave of water fled the street as Seaman made his apparenace.

Kyle's POV -

Craig and Cartman ran out of Craig's house as the street started to flood. We all looked up at Seaman who was standing on top of a massive wave. He was standing with a stupid smirk on his face.

Butters cowered, "Oh jesus!"

"Finally! People will take me seriously!" Seaman cheered to himself.

Stan points, "Cartmans got semen on his back!"

Cartman snaps, "he's on that fucking wave you stupid hippy bitch!"

I look where Stans pointing and laugh, "Dudes, Cartman does have semen on his back!"

Craig smirks.

Cartman screams, " CRAIG YOU FUCKING ASS LICKER!"

Seaman looks pissed as he points to the air, "GO SWALLOW"

Vi winks, "I bet Craig already has."

"It's been a while since I heard someone be told to swallow; isn't it a common courtesy everyone just does?" Kenna asked confused.

The swallow swooped down from the sky, smacking into Butters and causing his to trip forward into Cartman. The two fell, Butters on top of the lard ass.

Cartman swore, "God Butters!"

Butters rolled off of him and touched his soiled sweater, "ewww, it's sticky"

"You guys are so fucking stupid; fatass I can't believe you actually did what they told you to..." Stan said weighing in on the situation.

"Yeah it was a mindfuck...and Butters, Tweek stupid doesn't really properly describe you two right now." I added.

"Dude, we're not getting involved in this. Anyone with a functioning brain follow us." Stan announced.

"Where you going?" Clyde quizzed.

"Somewhere... far away from this fucked up mess." I stated.

Kenny's POV -

Seaman was on a rampage, Kenna was annoyed and we decided to follow after Stan and Kyle. Cartman, Clyde, Craig, and Token headed in the direction of taco bell, leaving Vi with Tweek and Butters.

Vi looked at the two blondes and slung an arm over both of them, happily standing between the tall boys.

"I don't know what everyone's so worked up over. I mean, I wouldn't mind being covered in semen as long as it was yours." she laughed.

Tweeks face was flaming red, and Butters titled his head, "but it'll kill ya!"

I shook my head as I followed Kenna and the pussies, leaving Vi alone with the two boys she enjoyed the most. Kenna knew Vi would appreciate time alone with Butters and Tweek. The crew arrived at Kyles house and stacked across the sofa.

"So Seaman will destroy the world." I said. Kenna grinned.

"Don't be a retard dude, Seaman can't destroy anything, he's useless and a bit thick." Kyle added.

Kenna laughed loudly causing everyone to eye her.

"Seaman has the ability to destroy a womans figure, but not the world. So who wants to come test this theory with me." She purred gently grasping my hand

Token's POV -

Cartman and Craig sat silently across from each other. It was terribly obvious that I was staring at the two of them as I dipped my fries into ketchup, my brows crinkled in question.

Cartman kept stuffing his mouth so he wouldn't have to snap at me or my questions about what the hell him and Craig were thinking.

Craig and Clyde sat side side, Craig sipping his root beer lazily.

Clyde swallowed a huge bite of taco and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, "so guys, what's dick taste like?"

Vi's POV -

I stood staring up as Seaman began hosing the town of South Park, brows furrowed and I growled.

"How are we going to stop this Seaman flood?" I asked. Tweek shrugged biting his lower lip.

"Well... geez. Cartman once told me you sucked Seaman through a straw. So if we could get a big straw that might help?" Butters suggested.

"Dude...what are you saying?" Tweek said in a whispered his eye twitching.

"We can either suck Seaman up along with every drop of his liquids, or blow hard hoping once we've done it he'll leave us alone." Butters said. I chuckled at the two guys conversation. I locked her gaze upon the pair.

"Of course that came from Cartman, he's the suck and blow king

Kenna and Kenny arrived from the direction of Kyle's house, and Butters ran to them. As Butters explained his theory to Kenna and Kenny, who were doubled over in laughter, practically dry heaving for breath, I turned her eyes onto Tweek.

"I know that unlike Butters you know exactly what's going on." I quirked a brow.

Tweek looked away and gave his own devious smile, "Cartmans the suck and blow king, good one," he sniggered.

I pointed in glee, "your a closet perve!"

Kenna's POV -

We'd decided to return, bored with the little gay gathering who were clueless as to the event at hand. Vi was still torturing the two blondes, she was so into them but having trouble picking a favourite. Vi was spending her time wedding out which of the two suited her better which for some reason I understood.

"Hey guys... what if we sucked or blew Seaman." Butter chirped sporting an innocent smirk.

Kenny and I crippled over clutching our stomachs. We regained composure.

"Well Butters, I've already done both of those things tonight." I said winking at my bitch who smirked wickedly.

"It won't work Butters. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. I'd expect Cartman to come up with shit like that." Kenny explained. Butters frowned.

"So what are we going to do about all this trouble with Seaman?" Butter questioned causing us to laugh again.

"I don't know... see a doctor." I suggested.

Behind us we heard Vi happily hiss something.

Something pervert.

Kenny and I turned to face her and Tweek.

"Which one of us did you call?" Kenny asked motioning between us. Vi grinned, slightly blushing.

"Not you guys." She answered grinning devilishly.

We gazed toward Tweek who was fidgeting with his shirt and shining crimson.

"Wait... you're a pervert." I asked in disbelief

Cartmans's POV-

I stopped chewing, looking at Clyde in shock at his lack of tact.

Token smacked his forhead and Clyde shrugged, "Whudd I do?"

"Pennies." Craig responds boredly.

Clyde blinks, "what?"

"It tastes like pennies, lard, and greasy fast food." Craig finished his drink.

I stood up, "at least I don't taste like an asshole munching, anal bead moaning whore!"

Clyde stroked his chin in intrest, "do all penis' taste like greasy fast food?" Clyde looked at Token wonder spread across his face. Token glared.

"Forget it... no way am I letting you do that." He said outraged.

"Yeah we already know because he's black it'll taste like hot cocoa or maybe even a piece of chocolate cake." I added.

"Fuck you fatass." Token snapped.

The bell on the diner door rang and the three blondes entered with their pet Canadian whores trailing them.

"C'mon Cartman we need your help." Butters requested. I motioned to my food.

"Can't you see I'm busy butt munch." I growled. Butters took a step back hiding behind Vi.

"Don't be such a prick Cartman, we need your help." Kenna snarled. I laughed.

"It's not happening butt fuckers." I shouted.

Tweek rushed toward me, Kenny stepping forward to assist him.

"No listen you fat, miserable fag. Everyone's in danger and we asked nicely." Tweek growled.

"But now you have no choice Cartman, get off your flabby fucking ass and follow us or we'll out you before the whole school tomorrow." Kenny explained.

I stood up following them.

"Why me?" I groaned. Everyone ignored me all except for Vi who still had Butters cowering behind her as we walked.

"Because you have had the most experience with Seaman here plus we've heard you can suck a golfball through a garden hose." Vi chastised

"So what the fuck do you want me to do?" I growled.

Butters didn't bother looking at me, too busy trying to hide from my glare, like a fucking coward. Vi grabbed his hand and offered a grin. I rolled my eyes.

Kenna rubbed her chin, "well first we're going to need a giant hose of some sort. Someone will get Seaman to come, and whiles he's almost here, Cartman will swoop down with that big mouth of his and suck like it's his last shakey's shake!"

Vi threw up one of her fingers, "can we try summoning Jesus first? He and seaman are acquainted yea?"

Butters nodded, "we need someone good and pure! Kenna! Get on your knees and pray real hard!"

Tweek covered his mouth as he laughed to himself, whispering to me and Vi, "I think she's already been on her knees today, and it wasn't for Jesus."

Kenna's POV -

I fell to my knees and began to aimlessly pray.

"This isn't fucking working!" I snarled. The others laughed for some unknown reason.

I closed my eyes again continuing to pray. Jesus finally came. I stood up.

"Oh my god, we needed you so I got down on my knees begging for you... and you came!" I chirped.

"Wow, she got you to come." Butters added.

"He's not the only one she can get to come." Kenny laughed, nudging Tweek who grinned pervertedly.

"Child... to solve this dilemma you need a betrayer. Someone crooked and evil who knows the art of deception." Jesus explained.

We all nodded.

"The person you seek is Jew-das. He walked among with. You must make him come to put an end to thie Seaman flood. Once Jew-das comes, Seaman will lose his potencey. He'll find release within him, feel rested, tried even and he'll fall beside you, roll over and go to sleep." Jesus added. Everyone looked confused.

"So I wish thee the best of luck, find Jew-das. He is the weapon

Kyle's POV –

I sat on the sofa at my place as we played some lame racing game on my x-box. We heard loud talking approaching as the door flew open and everyone stormed in.

"You are fucking Jew-das Kyle!" Cartman growled. I rolled my eyes.

"Stop ribbing on me for my religion you intolerant pillow biter." I snapped. Cartman extended a finger in my face.

"People I give thee Jew-das…. The vile bretrayer, whore of South Park. He will bring the end of the Seaman crisis." Cartman protested.

Everyone nodded.

"So we got to get him to come, but come where?" Butters said losing himself deep in thought.

"Jesus didn't say." Vi added.

"Well we could get him to come in the street, come before Seaman, hell we could get him to come anywhere." Token muttered.

I rolled my eyes.

"If it'll shut you the fuck up, pick a place let me know and I'll happily come." I shouted.

Everyone paused and stared at me. I stood up and walked toward them.

"God fucking dammit…I didn't want to get involved." I snarled. Cartman laughed.

"I swear fatboy, if this doesn't work and it is proven I am in fact not Jew-das I will beat your fucking ass." I growled. Cartman nodded.

"I agree to that Kyle, because I know once we get you to come before Seaman it will be revealed you are linked to him and you are the vile, enemy Jew-das." Cartman purred.

We arrived at Starks pond to witness Seaman, roaring and pouring his juices over the cows in the fields. I sighed.

"I'm here yet he hasn't stopped rampaging." I announced.

Tweek gently nudged Vi, he leaned in whispering to her. She pulled a disgusted face.

"I'm not doing that; but I'm sure someone here will." She answered the jittery blonde. Tweek stepped fourth.

"Maybe when Jesus said Jew-das must come, he meant literally…. Like we use semen to beat Seaman." Tweek said confidently. I glared.

"No, no…no one jerking me off." I snapped. Tweek shook his head.

"No you stupid fucking Jew, he means someone is having kosher meat for dinner tonight." Cartman teased.

"So do we have any volunteers?" Kenny asked. Everyone remained quiet as I shook my head in protest. I didn't want this to happen, not like this, not tonight. Would my first bj be near Stark's pond, with an audience of my friends by someone they chose to perform it?

"If no one is willing to offer their services, we need to weight up who the biggest whores here are and pick one." Token suggested.

"I sacrifice either fatass or Elvira…." Clyde interjects. Everyone begins chattering loudly arguing back and forth.

I had to think fast, I needed to get myself out of this situation before one of the two people I couldn't stand was sucking me off. I sighed as I listened to my friends deciding my fate. Fuck my life, why couldn't we live in a normal town?

Vi's POV -

"I nominate Stan!" I shouted, "Craigman is a holy thing, The only cock good enough for Cartman is Craigs!"

Cartman nodded, "yea! What she said! Guess the stupid ho has to do it..."

Kenna snapped, "fuck off, I'm not doing it!"

"Take one for the team!" Clyde hissed as Seaman turned his attention onto our group.

"She won't do it because she's boning the poor boy!" Cartman pointed, glaring at Kenny's defiant stance.

Tweek grasped onto my arm, "Alright! Stan it is!"

"Jesus Christ dudes, I'm not sucking on Kyles dick!" Stan backed away from us in fear.

A geyser of water hit me in the chest, causing me to fly back and smash into a tree. Tears sprang to my eyes as I glared at that bastard.

"Fuck you!" I cried, trying to get my breath back. "Goddamnit i'll suckc Kyle off if it kills that bastard!"

Tweek and Butters growled, but Stan stepped in front of them, "no, i'll do it. He's my...super best friend. But we're doing it behind a tree!"

Kyle shook his head, "whatever let's fucking get this over with."

The two went behind the tree I was propped up against as the others tried dodging Seaman's watery missiles.

"Dude your cock looks so weird." Stan's voice mumbled, and I perked up at the conversation I should definitely not be hearing.

"Just put it in your mouth." Kyle muttered, "Ah, no teeth, you have to stop fucking trying to bite it!"

A popping wet noise was made, stan groaned "ugh fuck, my mouth kills." and the. Noise continued.

I was so tempted to get a glance at the two going at it, but my eyes fell on Seaman, who was curled into a ball at the top of his water tower. His body was shaking.

"Shit, dude," Kyle panted, "do that thing with your tongue again."

"Mokayy" Stan mumbled probably from around Kyle's cock. Screw it I had to look.

Peeking around the tree I could only see Stan on his knees with Kyle's hand fisted in his hair. I grinned as I watched Kyle come and Stan practically choke as he swallowed and wiped his tongue on his sleeve.

"LOOK!" Butters shouted as Seaman quivered, passed out in ecstasy, and his wave collapsed, heading towards us.

In seconds we were all swept up by water and separated in the forest, spluttering and choking, and grimacing at the after taste.

I was crushed up on someone's side, as they held onto me as another wave tried to smash us away. Clinging to the person, I buried my head into the chest, the cold water seeping into my skin.

Shivering in their arms, I was glad the whole catastrophe was over. Kyle had been Jew-dah, and the key to stopping Seaman before he flooded the entire world.

Fuck, a job well done if any. I'd have to high five Stan for his blowjob skills.

"Thank god that's over." Criag's unimpressed voice responded, and I glanced up at the raven haired boy. We were sitting in a giant bush, and I was on top of him.

I was surprised, Criag had bothered to save me?

"Oh hey," I asked before I forgot, "you and Cartman. How did he get that to happen? I mean, you fucked him didn't you?"

Craig blinked and shrugged, "he gave me a hundred bucks and cried before, during, and after."

I laughed out loud, picturing it perfectly in my head, "I fucking love Craigman."

"And I love money."

"Craig, you're such a whore."


End file.
